Thursday, November 13, 2008

Tick Tick Tick

And the 15-minute clock of fame started ticking down. We had been working hard prior to this moment to start promoting the heck out of this book. Sadly, we had a teeny-tiny promotional budget, which was composed of limited free copies to various media outlets. So, needless to say, we knew it was going to be an uphill battle, but we were up for the challenge. I mean, c'mon, who wouldn't like to see Stud Muffins?

We quickly scheduled nearly a dozen book signings at all the Barnes & Noble Booksellers in a 50 mile radius. We also contacted all the local TV and radio stations in the greater LA area (more on these two topics soon), then waited with crossed fingers and muffins at the ready.

It didn't take long for our first foray into advertising to occur. We were invited to be early morning guests at KOLA 99 radio station in Redlands. And when I say early, I mean EARLY. Tammy, two Stud Muffins (Derek, our Farmer Stud, and Lee, our Secret Center Stud) had to be at the radio station at 7:00 AM. That meant getting up by 5:00 AM and on the road by 6:00 AM. Now, I'm usually a morning person, but not always a coherent morning person. In fact, I believe my tongue sleeps in until at least eight. So there I was, on the freeway at the literal crack of dawn, practicing enunciation in my car so I wouldn't sound like a slurring idiot at the station. Thank goodness for hands-free phones, because at least anyone driving beside me would think I was just talking to someone on the phone, not going "EEEEEEE OOOOOOOO AAAAAAAAHHHHHH" at the top of my lungs.

When we arrived, we were whisked to the second floor of the radio station. If you've never been inside where the on-air personalities work, it never looks like what you imagine. I always envisioned something big and lush, maybe granite countertops and plush chairs. Turns out most are pretty much like the one we visited: small, simple, and crowded with equipment and microphones. We truly had to squeeze our way in (but not a bad thing--remember we had our Studs with us!) and wait until the appropriate time for our interview. During that time, I kept going over in my head what I wanted to say and how I would say it concisely, cleverly and (please, God) coherently. The longer it took, the more nervous I was getting.

Finally, after several songs from the seventies, the weather report, and the traffic update, it was my turn. I got to stand in front of a huge round microphone that was suspended in front of my face. The morning show hosts, Brian Casey and Patti Banner, were wonderfully sweet and helpful in getting me to say something appropriate. And while I have no idea what finally came out of my mouth, they both assured me that what I did say was both acceptable and informative. Whew!

I called home from the car (so this time I really was talking to someone) and spoke to my kids. They were very excited that I was now a radio star. My husband said that I made complete sense and that I sounded very professional. Double-whew!

Looking back, I think I kind of amazed myself. Little ol' writer me, on the radio. I was just so thankful for the opportunity to promote my crazy project. And even more thankful that listeners couldn't see the total collapse of my antiperspirant protection.